By Joyce Thompson Heames
Samford University School of Business
Executive Directions

Webster says, "a mentor is someone entrusted with the education of, a trusted counselor to or a guide to another person." In the book Managers as Mentors, by Chip R. Bell, a mentor is described as a sage, one of wise counsel. Several years of personal observation have revealed one, and only one significant premise to me - that mentors care enough to give of themselves without really caring if they receive something in return.

Mentors come in all shapes, sizes, colors, and have no direct correlation to our own personalities. They are not always the most educated, but they are the ones with the most common sense. They are not always the best looking or best dressed, but they are the ones with a deep sense of pride and self-esteem. It is this diversity which adds richness to the lives of the people they encounter. Mentors are like umbrellas that open on a rainy day and keep one safe and dry during the storms of life.

An exploration of a few of the characteristics of mentors may help you recognize a few people who filled a void or swept through your life like a phantom, but made a tremendous impact. A mentor is not always the person who walks up, shakes your hand, and says, "Hey, let me be your mentor." Mentoring takes place when there is a giving of the heart, time and talents, which results in life-altering changes in attitude or behavior and ultimately life. There appear to be six prevailing characteristics that describe mentoring. These attributes don’t always reside in the same person, which makes it important to accept the input from a number of mentors and draw strength from each in different ways.

Role model: A role model is someone who is living a life or accomplishing a task that inspires someone to design his or her life in a similar fashion. It is not always easy to find a role model, especially if you are working in an area that is emerging. While more common today, in the early 80’s women in college level business education was almost nonexistent, especially in the South. It took a few dedicated women to act as role models for others (including me) to believe that a life in academics was possible. Women need to break out and be more adventurous and explore the possibilities of nontraditional work environments. One woman breaking the barriers allows others to follow.

Tough love: A good mentor is not afraid to show tough love. They give that proverbial ‘kick in the pants’ when it is needed at various points in life, especially those moments when a pity party is the only thing that feels good. It is through the guidance and prompting of mentors that one is able to move on and not let life pass by. There is nothing wrong with taking a few moments when a painful situation has arisen and review the facts, but this process must be uplifting and not destructive. A true mentor will help you release the polarization that can occur at difficult moments. Joline Godfrey says in her book, Our Wildest Dreams, "Mentors do a lot of things. They sometimes lend a shoulder or an ear, often counsel and advise, occasionally argue and direct." Not all have the ability to show tough love. There is the strong fear that "arguing" with a friend might result in the loss of that friend. But, it can be a powerful stimulus to encourage a change in life if done with love and respect. And if the loss of that friend brings the needed change, which is more important?

Ageless: Another very important component of mentoring is recognizing that the young are not the only ones who need advice, counsel, role models or tough love. Life is full of ups and downs. It has a way of behaving like a roller coaster. One day everything is going great and the Midas touch is prevalent. Within days, it seems that the gold begins to tarnish. Twenty-two and right out of college, thirty-two and trying to make a career change, or fifty-two and forced to make a new life, everyone needs someone to intervene and help turn the spirit around. Mentoring someone through these complicated times can be self-rewarding as well.

Big ears and a big heart: Two of the most valuable assets a mentor can have are ears and a heart. A man once said, "God gave us two ears and one mouth. Which do you think he wanted us to use the most?" Being a good mentor means listening until you’ve heard the entire story, all the concerns and broken dreams. The important element is undivided attention. Perhaps this is the most difficult role for anyone to play. In this fast paced world, we want to hear it quick, give advice and move on. But a true mentor listens without harboring any of rushing the moment or preconceived ideas of the advice needed. Sometimes just listening with a caring heart is as healing as giving advice. In other words silence can be golden. The critical step is knowing when to listen and when to give advice. No one has a magic formula. But don’t let the unknown keep you from opening your ears and heart to someone who may be in need of mentoring.

Not only for the affluent and educated: Mentoring can help those who haven’t had the luxuries of an education or been able to determine a career path. Giving of oneself to those less fortunate can truly be the most rewarding form of mentoring. There are several programs in every city that would welcome volunteers to serve as mentors for those in need. From the battered women and homeless children to the ex-drug addict who is trying to turn their life around, these men and women have all experienced the hells of life. They have often been without the comforts of a home or a full stomach, much less the luxury of having someone show compassion. It takes a special person who is willing to make a difference by treating all people with respect and giving a helping hand through mentoring, not just a "handout."

Life span: There is a common misconception that a mentoring relationship with another person is a never-ending commitment. On occasion, a relationship may develop into a lifetime of friendship and mutual mentoring. But, it isn’t necessarily true that mentoring has to be forever. Many successful mentoring opportunities take place in brief conversations. A quick glimpse into a stranger’s life may just be the catalyst needed to change a component of life.

Sometimes seeing the bad and painful events experienced by another gives the encouragement not to let that happen in our lives. But, seeing the successes also can be a powerful stimulus. There are countless books "by strangers" that attest to this phenomenon. Don’t be afraid to interact with people because of the chance that there will not be an opportunity for a life long commitment. The greatest gift one can give is to live each day touching as many people’s lives as possible in positive ways. A few minutes or a couple of hours may definitively change someone’s life.

Mentoring is not a precise art but more of an exploration of relationships that happens because someone cares enough to listen, serve as a role model or be in the right place at the right time. However, one thing is for sure: If you stop and think through the men and women who have crossed your path during life’s journey, more than one has been a positive influence. As you remember those who mentored you, look around for those who may need an encouraging word or an attentive ear. Become a mentor and help someone be a better person. And in so doing, you thank those who believed in you!

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